David's Farm Blog

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Dear Son,

I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with ’em for their house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen ’em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn’t make the final payment on Grandma’s funderal bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don’t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him, and he burned for four days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn’t get the tail gate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don’t get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one. Love, Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.

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A farmer goes to the local farmware store to buy some insecticde. He hold up a box and asks the store manager, ” Is this stuff good for beetles?” The manager replies, ” NO, it’ll kill ’em”

A 2007 study found that the average Australian walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Australians drink an average of 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Australians get about 41 miles per gallon.”

Not bad !

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A farmer walks into a John Deere dealership. He browses around, then spots the perfect tractor and walks over to inspect it. As he bends to touch the undercarriage, a loud fart escapes him. Very embarrassed, he looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed his little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As he turns back, there standing next to him the sales manager.Good day, Sir. How may we help you today?
Very uncomfortably he asks, “Tell me, what is the price of this new tractor?” He answers, “Sir, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.

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Hydraulics broke and the bucket dug in at18mph, destroying the tractor

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