David's Farm Blog

A farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a chicken farm. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn’t say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer returns in another two weeks for another two hundred chicks. When he returns for the fourth time, the owner’s curiousity is too much for him, so he asks the farmer why he keeps coming back for so many chicks. The farmer says, “Well, I guess I must be doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. I think I’m either planting them too deep or too close together.”
Bemused by his lack of success, the farmer sends off a report of what he has done to the local agricultural department, asking for advice. Three weeks later, the reply comes back, saying simply, “Please send soil sample.”

A father watched his young daughter playing on the farm. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked”They’re mating,” her father replied What do you call the spider on top?” she asked.”That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.”So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs”The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment..then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, “Well, we’re not having any of that gay stuff on our farm.”

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?” The waiter replied,”Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicle s from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!” The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, “What the heck, I’m on vacation down here! Bring me an order!” The waiter replied, “I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy”! The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!” The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.”

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A farmer goes into a supermarket and buys: * one tin of beans * one bag of chips * one pack of burgers * one tub of ice cream * one cake * one case of beer * one pint of milk. He takes them over to the checkout, and the girl looks at what he has bought and asks if he is single. The guy replies sarcastically, “Yes. However did you guess?” The girl replies: “Simple…You are one ugly bastard!”

For all you cowboys out there: Don’t squat with your spurs on.

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A gynaecologist, on the verge of burnout, decided that the crippling cost of malpractice insurance was the last straw. Hoping to find another career where skillful hands would be considered an asset, he decided to look into becoming a diesel tractor mechanic. He signed up for evening classes at TAFE, attended diligently and learned all he could.

The gynaecologist prepared carefully for the practical exam, and on the day of the test completed the set task with outstanding dexterity and skill. But when the results came back, he was surprised to find out that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he phoned the teacher explaining that he did not want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but confessed that he was concerned that the teacher might have made a mistake adding up his score.

“Not at all,” replied the teacher. “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the mark.You put the engine back together again perfectly, which was also worth 50% of the mark. And I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler.”

Remember the first rule of intelligent tinkering – Save all the parts