Small Town
You Know You’re From A Small Town When. • The local phone book has only one yellow page. • Third Street is on the edge of town. • The “road hog” in front of you on Main Street is a farmer’s combine. • You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the [...]
Farmers Sign Language
A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. “Damn it” he said. He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of [...]
Farm Jokes
An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm. They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, “You’re pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock? “The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, “One thousand, eight [...]
Laws of Ultimate Reality
Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of [...]
Greenies at it again
The chief woman ‘Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist’, who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site. In a panic to escape, she slid down the tree, getting a [...]
Abbott & Costello Farm Routine
addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2009%2F05%2F25%2Fabbott-costello-farm-routine%2F’; addthis_title = ‘Abbott+%26amp%3B+Costello+Farm+Routine’; addthis_pub = ”;
Sheep Dog Conspiracy
addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2009%2F03%2F29%2Fsheep-dog-conspiracy%2F’; addthis_title = ‘Sheep+Dog+Conspiracy’; addthis_pub = ”;
John Deere Tractor Jeep
addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2008%2F10%2F31%2Fjohn-deere-tractor-jeep%2F’; addthis_title = ‘John+Deere+Tractor+Jeep’; addthis_pub = ”;
Mmmm Fresh greens
addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2008%2F10%2F09%2Fmmmm-fresh-greens%2F’; addthis_title = ‘Mmmm+Fresh+greens’; addthis_pub = ”;
Farmers and their mad cows
A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow.Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the [...]
More Country Music
Ain’t no trash in my trailer since the night I through you out You wanted to get hitched, but my heart is filled with whoa Baked my sweetie a pie, but he left with a tart I lost my honey bunny on a bad hare day She chews tobacco, but she didn’t choose me The [...]
Tractor Collector “10″ Commandments
Thou shalt not store thy tractor out of doors, except for thy modern iron. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors tractor, nor his shop, nor his battery charger. Thou shalt not love thy tractor more than the wife and children; as much, but not more. Thou shalt not read Antique Power on company time, for [...]
A Farmers Will
Estate and succession planning is one of the most challenging issues for all farming families. Here is one farmer’s response to the challenge. I LEAVE: * To my wife I leave my overdraft- maybe she can explain it. * To my daughter Equity on my tractor – now she’ll have to work to meet the [...]
You Know You Own an Old Tractor When..
You install a hand-washing sink in the garage. Your three-year-old asks “is this greasy” before he touches anything lying in the garage. You dream of a tractor shed with more parking than your garage. You are qualified to debate the relative merits of various brands of hand cleaners. You have a larger assortment of lubricants, [...]
You May be a farmer if….
You maybe a farmer if…. – Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. – You convince your wife that an overnight, out-of-state trip for equipment parts is a vacation. – You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. – You have ever had to wash off [...]
Toy train
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now. because this is the last stop! And all [...]
Fertilizer Club
Funny email I wanted to share: JOIN THE FERTILIZER CLUB – FREE! This letter is being sent to you because we know that you are critically interested in the condition of your lawn. This is a fertilizer club that will not cost you a cent to join! Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top [...]
Handy farm hints No 33
Tractor drivers: patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. Letting the cat out of the bag is easier than putting it back in. Farmers: its not the pace of life that concerns me, its the sudden stop at the end. addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2008%2F03%2F21%2Fhandy-farm-hints-no-33%2F’; addthis_title = ‘Handy+farm+hints+No+33′; addthis_pub = ”;
Handy Farm Hints No.31
Always drink upstream from the herd. Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement. There are three kinds of farmers - the ones that learn by reading, some learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence to find out for themselves. addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2008%2F03%2F15%2Fhandy-farm-hints-no-31%2F’; addthis_title = ‘Handy+Farm+Hints+No.31′; addthis_pub = ”;
You know you’re a farmer when….
I read these in the UK Farmers Weekly. You know you’re a farmer when; Your front carpet is muddier than your drive. You have animals living in buildings more expensive than your house. You can remember the fertiliser rate, seeding rate,and yields on your farm you had ten years ago, but cannot recall your wifes [...]
Country Music
Looking to expand your Country music collection, checkout some of these all time favorites? Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye (Pardon Me) I’ve Got Someone To Kill I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2 If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I’d Cry [...]
Short man with lisp
A short man walks in to the bar and begins to tell the bartender his story: Well, he theths, I wath driving down thith country road, when I thaw a thine that thaid “horth for thale”. I jutht happened to be looking to buy a thorth, tho I turned up the driveway to thee about [...]
Letter from the U.S.
Dear Son, I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here [...]
Insecticide for beetles
A farmer goes to the local farmware store to buy some insecticde. He hold up a box and asks the store manager, ” Is this stuff good for beetles?” The manager replies, ” NO, it’ll kill ‘em” addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fdavid.farmnet.com.au%2F2008%2F02%2F13%2Finsecticide-for-beetles%2F’; addthis_title = ‘Insecticide+for+beetles’; addthis_pub = ”;
